Second marriage engagement ring etiquetteZengemz
Second marriages are more common today than ever before. We created this article to reduce the confusion of choosing which engagement ring for your second marriage.
There is no reason why it shouldn’t be to start a second engagement as uplifting and romantic as the first. The difference is that the two of you are usually older, wiser, and likely a little less idealistic. But are the rules for buying and awarding an engagement ring ever changing?
Buy your second engagement ring
First and foremost, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have a second marriage engagement ring.
And the wedding shouldn’t be less spectacular either. We have seen it said elsewhere (usually by people who believe that marriage is somehow an outdated tradition) that a second marriage should almost be a formality in the way it is done. No engagement ring, no dress, no suits, just as few people as possible in front of a judge.
When written down, the words are almost as ridiculous as the thought that a second wedding shouldn’t be as beautiful as the first. It’s your day so do it how you want.
The general rules for a second engagement ring
Etiquette is one of those things that some follow closely but that others find tedious and pointless.
Fortunately, there are many earlier rules for all kinds of things have relaxed considerably in recent years. The rules for engagement rings are one such area where some things have gotten a lot more relaxed. For a second marriage, what an engagement ring should look like for a first engagement hasn’t really changed.
Engagement rings don’t age like clothes or wallpaper do. If it was beautiful 20 or 30 years ago, it will be beautiful now. Not to say that you should of course use the same engagement ring, just that a similar style works perfectly.
That being said, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- The price range of the engagement ring may need to be higher than the first engagement, especially if the two of you are further in life. A cheap ring can just come across as cheap – just that. Again, this is not a hard and fast rule, just a reason to think.
- You may want to avoid the styles and designs of the previous suggestions. If previous relationships (both spouses) ended badly, you don’t want a constant reminder on your finger.
- Take into account the dynamic with exes (if applicable) and how best to avoid potential drama if the ring is too flashy.
However, one thing about engagement rings (and wedding bands) from the second marriage that you should usually keep is that it is better to stop wearing the old ones when you start a new engagement. Your first marriage may have ended due to the sad loss of a husband, but wearing your rings from that marriage can make your new partner a little uncomfortable. Again, there are many reasonable exceptions to this rule.
Choose the ring
If you like it, buy it, there is nothing more complicated than that. There are no two separate areas of engagement rings for first and second use. Don’t think that because it’s a second engagement, diamonds are kind of overdoing things. Engagement rings are beautiful things and the people who design and make them want them to be worn. They don’t care if it’s your first engagement, they just want to be valued like everyone else.
There is no scale of what is appropriate for a first engagement and a second.
Who pays the engagement ring for the second marriage?
Regardless of whether it is a first, second or tenth marriage, this area has changed a lot in the past few decades. Nowadays, most engagement rings are selected together and in some cases even paid for together. This immediately takes a lot of the guesswork out of choosing the ring. Whether or not you pay for the ring together and whether more can then be spent is a very personal decision. Etiquette of any kind does not trump personal circumstances.
This doesn’t mean the ring shouldn’t come as a surprise, but you can use the experience to your advantage. As we get older, most of us become more measured by our approach to life. And that includes the choice of things we buy. Being a little older is also different from others, so jewelers may be a little more attentive.
Whichever way you choose to purchase the ring, it is still a magical and fantastically romantic thing. Everything becomes a lot more real with a purchased ring, so make it a wonderful occasion.
The great thing about second marriages is that you now know everything about marriage that you didn’t do when you started the first. This also includes what to do when buying a ring.
If you need any help with choosing the ring, please contact our friendly jewelers. We can help you choose the perfect engagement ring for the second relationship.
Presentation of the engagement ring
If we assume that a ring has been bought in secrecy, we need to look into the proposal.
First of all, make sure that all previous marriages are completely dissolved just because this is the right thing to do. It’s not illegal, but suggesting someone who is married is not a good way to do it. While we’re married ourselves, we don’t even know where to start. This is an opportunity when more paperwork is a good thing.
We all like surprises, from the youngest child to the oldest adult. We sometimes feign disinterest, but we’re always secretly excited that someone took the time to do this for us. It doesn’t matter how old we get, so don’t think that your potential fiancé doesn’t care that you really go out of their way to come up with suggestions.
She can have favorite places, favorite hikes or simply situations in which she feels comfortable and safe. These are great for a suggestion. It’s likely (if not definitely) over for flash mobs and elaborate plans with thousands of cast members, but that doesn’t mean the proposition shouldn’t be special. It doesn’t have to be a one-knee occasion, although you should try if you know it’s appropriate.
Click here to view our list of suggestion ideas.
When presenting the ring, be confident. If you were confident enough to buy it yourself this should be a no-brainer. It really should. Buying the ring meant negotiating a minefield of potential problems, but it’s a step we all take to get to a new location.
In truth, as far as the ring itself is concerned, nothing changes between a first marriage and a second marriage. It is true that some of the processes you go through to reach the beginning of your new life together may be different, but they are not different.
Choose your spouse (in the best sense of the word), choose the ring, choose how and where you want to propose. Above all, choose it the way you want it.
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